wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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