how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
