It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
