My liver just broke up with me...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
