Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
