Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize