i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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