I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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