I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
