another moral hangover. fuck.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
