Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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