I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
