Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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