I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
