The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize