I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
