The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
