Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
