You're so nebulous sometimes
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
