"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize