I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
