you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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