She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
