Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
