so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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