I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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