OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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