hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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