i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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