Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
