In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
