quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
