the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
