don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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