What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
