are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
