she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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