thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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