I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
