You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
