Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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