i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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