Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
In America we eat man semen.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize