remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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