She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
