Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Found your dick twin last night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
