what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize