Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think my mom watched the whole time
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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