I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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