I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
