Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
