It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
