what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize