Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
