i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
