I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
