My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
