my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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