The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
