i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
