he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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