She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
