I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize