I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
