First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
