Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
