She's JV to your varsity
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
