I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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