Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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