You smell like a Billy Joel song
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
