I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
