sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
how can u be prego again
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
