For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
