you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
