someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
