I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
