As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
