I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
