I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
