He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
