Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
