this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
