Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Everclear isn't food dammit
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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