Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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