after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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