Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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