At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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