dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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