I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
