Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
